Back to blogging!

Hello everyone !!

My life has been so damn awesome ! No more sad love story ,less heart broken , less tears ! My life has completely change and yes i declare I hate my past love life to the core but Im still loving my primary school memories with all my friends !

Thank God for putting me in such challenges in life , although it's hurting and left a lot of scars yet I learn a lot!

I love my life my family my bf my friends. I love school and I love dance :)

fcuk life

I freaking pissed , I freaking sad , I freaking angry . I need to dance now!

insomnia

3:30am

I miss my sister a lot ! I'm all alone in my lovely room without my sister with me and I gonna be all alone for 5 days until she is back in sg :(

I barely can have good sleep from last week. When the lights is off and I rest my body on my bed , my eyes in shut completely and I'm patiently waiting for my mind to get to a shut down mode. 1 hour 2 hour ... 3hour passed , I still can't get it stop and it functioning like nobody business ;I swear! 

Thinking of my past and recalling how stupid and naive i was , all the way from the youngest moment that I could remember until now . All this things just spinning in my my brain and I am surprise how my brain could work this way!

I started to worry about my future about my family , studies, relationship , my career , my passion and so on .

Damn I seriously not sure if this module really is what I want , it's so stress to be in this course yea I could harldy breathe . The competition of my friends and how can i out stand to get a job I want and so on .. 

I really wish that I would not go through all these .. 

I really had so much to say but ..  .

i should end here cause It's too long to post it up . love you 

So sick and tired

Hello people I'm so sick now 38.9 and i'm resting at home now . I miss my exam and I really hate it cause my daily grades so bad . I'm currently in DHHM year 2 in rp now and I really can feel the amount of stress now !
I seriously don't know why ?!?! I need to handle the amount of work in school , like dance and school work.
Don't ask me to give up on dance cause it's my passion .

I really doubt myself that can I survival in hotel industries. I wish my choice was art or something that I like at least I could do something I like . Kinda regret but I not going to give up as I come so far .

Sigh every now and then I really wish that I could know how to take the amount of stress.

I must improve

Dance work 2010! Hello people DW finally came to an end , I'm so happy even if we didn't win . This is my first competition and I'll never forget how Soul good crew went through ! Love you guys a lot!


Anyway I went to see the my first dance competition (Singapore Dance Delight ) Yew~ like finally no need to watch it in youtube! I really don't know how to describe how amazing are those dancers !

Some crew just make me want to dance and level up quickly! One of my favourite is basic five ! They make me want to learn lock so much! Ya and some dancer their groove is just fcuking dope!

Fcuk la I really need to improve and tell you what I love dance .

Different style ! Hello people I have new inspiration! :) 

I want to learn more improve and level up! I really don't understand why some people would be so proud and yaya like as if he/she dance super fucking dope to the max. Okay look! I'm not been sensitive cause It never happen to me but one of my friend and from what i observe. I know I have no rights to say but it kinda pisses me off ! Be humble la , if not you'll never know if one day the " poorer in dance " will success and do better than you. I'm sure all of us have different style and I feel that dancing bond us because we have the same passion. Why hate ? Why jealous?, when you can learn more from each other and improve .

colourful love :)

I really love tie dye . So gonna do it  for myself once I got the dye! So excited~

Grown up!

I miss my friends so much! I'm so gonna find time to enjoy kays! I miss shopping and miss FASHION AND  DIY things. I so gonna resume everything and start having fun with my hobby after I quit this f job

Some of my DIY ( with my sister )

* The rings is with my friend and she haven return back . I miss them .

better in time

I might look like I'm completely fine but I'm fucking not fine when the sky turn dark and I'm all alone facing the world myself. I seat at the edge of my bed  silently hoping that someone can rescued me from this torturing. I really can't digest this now okay now ! Peace , I use the word now cause I know someday it's gonna be over and I believe that problems will go away . I'm sure that it will visit you soon after you have overcome one ; so take care my friends. 

Breathe kaiying , you're still consider lucky compare to others. I think I never learn my lesson . It's okay make mistake learn and die. move on , be good be better . learn.

There is so much more I want to share about my feelings . It's so damn fucking painful that sometimes i can't take it but I chose to keep to myself cause I know it doesn't help when I speak , it'll be still there . 

It hint us bad but we still have the love, somehow . It hurt slowly , deeper and longer to heal . I can't figure out why and when fb have status complicated ; i finally know the reason now.  When I was younger I thought I was too young to understand love and now I'm 19 ; ok nevermind I think when I'm 28 I'll know okay maybe later later later and later when I get old .  

Fine ! I still don't understand ; and I'll put you in the deepest soul and continue moving on ...  I'll deal with my passion and  thank God i have one . oh and it's my passion and family keep me going. Take note that I didn't use friends cause I really don't know who is the real one of there ; only a few. When I recall how a 10 years friendship fail when she have a new love . It's unfair cause I treated her so real and love her so much that I would stand up for her for anything. I will be remember for life .

I'll definitely think of you and I'm gonna miss you so much . yes so much

fated

It's not that I don't like is I fucking don't have talent compare to all and I'm like so lack behind and the feeling sucks, trust me.

I wish i was born with talent  f , im useless okay

posted !

Since I so damn long never blog , Let's have some pictures okay?

City alive 2010 . 

Ya ya ya ya la! All I can say it was really fun ! I hope to be city alive 2011 !@#$%^&*

I really don't know it's me or whatever , I just feel something has change . . . . 

9teen

I'm 19 ! I Got surprisesss! Birthday is over , next year i'm turning 20!

a post

I'm so occupied! It's 3:50am now and still I'm not sleeping yet ! Mtv channel , facebook , Gmarket , Phone , Music and Msn is what I'm doing now! Damn did you realise that chinese songs are so emotional? The songs kinda affect my mood right now and mtv channel is playing chinese love story ; like im out of love and oh i feel damn fucking hurt and I fucking need him now. 

Is not that I discriminate chinese song !! I like them but it makes me feel as if I really very lonely ? Yea and that explain why a few chinese songs is in my mp3. Don't get me wrong , I still like them is just that I stop listening since the day when I broke up with my ex bf.  Okay but i still enjoy going kbox. 

Anyway I know that my blog have been so wordy these day , I'll try to active my camera and upload it .

Life has been busy so far , exams are coming and I'm so gonna start to revise seriously. Cause my grades sucks to extreme... I gonna pull up my socks .

I predict that life is gonna be so so busy again , another big thing and time consuming  Dancework !!

That why I say ... 24hours a days is f not enough. Sigh , I'm thinking to quit my job so that I can go for extra dance lesson and also to rest.

4am now and I so gonna sleep .ok ,I miss k now .♥ 
k lend me his ipod and idont know how to use it laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Okok  4:01 am , good night 

in school now !

I got home sick . I miss my mommy daddy and sister . Lastly my bed

what's wrong?

At that point of time when you don't know which direction's best for you. You cry but you don't actually know what you're crying about. 
The feeling has been haunting me so often that I  can easily feel the emptiness in me . Seriously I don't understand why I'm working so hard and get myself super high expectation. I can't control how I want to feel and how I want myself to be ; it;s like a natural thing that it's in me.
It had been 2 weeks since I had look into the mirror and dance , seriously I was shocked by counting the days. I don't even know how to look directly into the mirror and feel the music. I feel like I'm off beat all the time and the steps and beats just don't match .I think when I start to dance , It's like fucking ugly or maybe I just don't have the confident. I'll get damn pissed off with myself and angry. Yes I know the mentally isn't right and I'm really trying not to dance so much as I really can't take it. I really pray that I have the dancing genes in me or allow me to give myself courage to move on.
I know it's like damn stupid of writing this la . You may think like what the hell is wrong with this girl so obsessed with dancing and herself.
But sometimes it's kinda hurt when I see people around me improving and not me.  it's not jealously , I'm happy for them . It's just that I'll feel extremely hurt and foolish again cause f I'm lousy and a f loser. I need my confident back .

Fuck flu . it's kinda killing me

holiday end today

Nothing can describe how i feel now cause tomorrow have school.I really wish that sem 2 end fast cause I don't really like my class and cause of that my grades are really f bad. I have to study bearing in mind that I'm useless and whatever it is . WHAT SO EVER I STILL MISS MY SCHOOL JAPANESE FOOD :)

Sometimes I just wonder why some people out there can achieve what they want or like they have talents and potential in them and so on...  Sometimes I wonder why do I even exist in the world where I don't even make a different in the world.

God is like totally unfair to me where he give me ugly features like i'm short ,ugly, fat , poor , stupid and stuff. Maybe the only thing that he give to me which is so damn precious it's my family.

Yeah all I know it's to complaint and complaint cause I really have no mood today and I totally have nothing better to do but to blog! aww how pathetic .

I love school ; it's rocks ! yea~  goodbye

and I need to leave sg

good bye 2009

Time really passes so fast and it's already 2010 now. Another year had been a history again.
2009 brought me memories for both happy and sad ones.

I remember how I struggle my days in the early months in 09 , it was horrendously a very bad experience that I never want it to happen any more. Basically it was one of the thing that I regret for life ..like and getting along with D that made it the most regretful thing in my f life. And yeah and of cause how I passed my painful days when I'm out of love with my ex bf and stuff...



How I got  drunk and making a fool of myself.... I remembered. How I cried and sleep through the pain at night .
I remembered all the pain so clearly even until today 
And 2009 is when I decided not to mixed around with them and kept all my good/best memories inside. 

Back then I was a regular customer of K box and how we go there and sing uncountable songs and stuff . It was really fun and i miss the days so much. My k box life kinda stop after I turn 18..
When I turned 18 and finally step into my first club at zouk and met a guy who is so damn hot. And when my numbers of visit increase from 1 to uncountable ; I realise clubbing isn't about what I think it was and then I started going there because of my friends and the music.

It was one of the hints in 2009 and I really have lots of fun and met a lot of fun people!!!!!!

Not forgetting to credits my friends that are always here for me. They are here with me always especially Jaslin :) I love you a lot a lot!  
Also the misunderstood I had with my secondary friends. I still love you now , cxl lyr!  We'll catch up in 2010 :)



Life start to get better as I step into RP ; met my first friend in school vivian and now we're still keeping in touch! Never will I forget W45A my first class where I met lovely people there :)


I never forget how pessimistic i am when i first go to SGC audition . How much worries and fear I was away from my passion but yeah I did it. I met fun people where we start to dance together and fight for our passion. Until now still pessimistic and as low confident as you can think ; I suck at dance big time.  



I always keep memories like how BHB practise for showcase and crazy times with nat , kelvin , fara and shark and of cos xoxo gossip girls with zhi wen. How I told Jason that I am giving up B-boy and still trying now . The reason of cutting my long precious hair for getting up sad and stuff. My hair is growing but my dance still not improving !


The obstacles i had with my family and still they are loving me so much. The quarrels I had with my sister and good times we spend together. I don't know how my life was without them . I love you!!!!


Lastly , thanks kenny for being here for me whenever I need him. He's like the light (tink tink ) in my 2009 darkness.  HAHAHA

2009; a history that makes me stronger and yeah a happier girl ! 
FINALLY 2010 ; It's gonna be a good year right? 

♥ Dream catcher my new lovee ♥

The legend of dream catcher :

good dreams slip through the web and into the sleeper during the night

bad dreams become caught in the web and are perished by morning light.

dreamcatcher varies somewhat from tribe to tribe, but the basic theme or intention was to allow good dreams to slip through the web and into the sleeper during the night while the bad dreams were caught in the web and would be perished at morning light






I gonna collect it!